Politics: Twinkies are back in stores - our national nightmare is over

Published by: Robert Laurie on Monday July 15th, 2013

Robert Laurie

By ROBERT LAURIE - Fruit Pies, Ho-Hos, Cup Cakes, Ding Dongs... 

It's July 15th, everyone.  From now on, we should refer to it as "Snack Cake Freedom Day." Today the Hostess stable of products are back on store shelves after an 8 month absence.  Twinkies, Ho-ho's, Cup Cakes, Fruit Pies, and Ding Dongs are returning to store shelves.

After being killed by union greed back in 2012, The Hostess corporation's assets were sold to Apollo Global Management and C. Dean Metropoulous & Co. for $410 million.  Now, the bakeries are back up and running, but with a smaller workforce and no union involvement.

According to a statement from the Bakery, Confectionary, Tobacco Workers and Grain Millers International Union, “Rather than hire professional, experienced bakers who have produced quality snack cakes in the company’s bakeries for decades, Hostess management has chosen instead to hire primarily workers with little or no experience in the demanding wholesale snack cake baking industry.”

 Boo-hoo. 

When the operation is fully ramped up, it will boast 1,800 employees in four bakeries.  In contrast, when the unions were still a factor, there were ten times the employees and eleven factories.  Along with the leaner, meaner company, the brands will be the focus of a new marketing strategy that will rely heavily on viral advertising and a plan to have the products available "wherever candy bars are sold."

The recipes of the new treats are the same, with the exception of Twinkies which have been slightly tweaked to make them smaller, lighter, and to "extend their shelf life by about three weeks."

No word on whether they're still capable of surviving nuclear winter.

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