Politics: Jennifer Granholm melts down, sacrificing bodily control for Obama

Published by: Robert Laurie on Friday September 7th, 2012

Robert Laurie

By ROBERT LAURIE – Former Michigan Governor loses bodily control for Barack Obama

“I’m Jennifer Granholm from the great state of Michigan.”  The former Governor said.

It was her first sentence, and the first of many lies.  For those who don’t know, Granholm was almost as unpopular when she was Michigan’s Canadian-born Governor as she is now that she’s a Talk Show host.  After her first re-election, her poll numbers sunk so low that she would have had no chance of winning another.  Michigan, however, has term limits, mercifully sparing the state from the specter of a third term.

She stepped down, and eventually bolted for life in sunny California.

So that’s where she’s “from.”  Michigan may have a lot of problems, but Granholm is no longer one of them.  The state has a new Republican Governor, Rick Snyder, and economically, things are on the rebound.

If Michiganders needed a reminder of just how lucky they are that Jenny’s gone, they got a big one last night.

Granholm’s turn at the DNC podium was a spastic, gyrating, mess that saw the “War Room” host jerking about like Linda Blair in The Exorcist.  Throughout her speech, it was as if the sheer, god-like power of government had chosen her as a vessel and compelled her to ever more fervent heights. She cheered, screamed, jabbed her finger at the audience, and pumped her fists into the air as though she were trying to ram them through your TV and straight into America’s soul.

Lest we think it was simply a bizarre physical spectacle, Granholm was also incoherent on the issues, displaying the same ignorance of economics that made her such a gubernatorial flop.

“HE SAVED THE AUTO INDUSTRY!” Granholm bellowed. “AND YOU KNOW WHAT MITT ROMNEY SAID! LET DETROIT GO BANKRUPT.”

Once again, liberals, GM and Chrysler DID go bankrupt.  We spent trillions of taxpayer dollars to help them do it, and eventually handed ownership over to the UAW and Fiat respectively.  All of this could have been accomplished without spending a cent of American’s hard earned cash.

“YOU KNOW WHAT I’M SAYIN!” Granholm screamed breathlessly. “SURE HE’S MADE A LOT OF MONEY! GOOD FOR HIIIIIM.  BUT HOW DID HE MAKE THAT FORTUNE?  AND AT WHO’S EXPENSE!?”

You can argue all day over the merits of Bain Capital, but by this point, everyone knows where Mitt made his money.  Everyone, that is, except Granholm.

“YOU KNOW HE MADE IT!! ON THE BACKS OF THE MIDDLE CLASS!” she howled, “YEAR AFTER YEAR!  IT WAS PROFITS BEFORE PEOPLE!”

So Granholm’s speech was heavy on the same, tired, class warfare rhetoric we’ve heard a thousand times before, light on facts and positively leaden with crazy. It was the kind of performance that, to this day, has Howard Dean waking up in a cold sweat at 3 AM.

Hopefully, it has the same effect on Granholm’s career as Dean’s defining moment had on his.  If we’re lucky, she’s shuffled off the political stage once and for all.  If not, there’s always those rumors of her taking a cabinet position in Obama’s second term – Making Jennifer Granholm one more good reason not to re-elect Barack Obama.